About Lupus

Jessica’s Coping with Lupus Corner

Relationships and Lupus

Jessica Rowshandel, M.S.W.
Jessica, Rowshandel, M.S.W.
Director of Social Services
S.L.E. Lupus Foundation

Though Valentine’s Day has come and gone, lots of red and heart reminders still abound. The minute the calendar turned to February, we have been reminded that we need a significant other to eat chocolate with and do all the lovey-dovey things couples are expected to do during this month devoted to “love.” Well, that’s a lot of pressure.

Some folks feel particularly isolated around this holiday. What about the single people out there? And those who have had a hard time finding a partner who accepts their lupus and will love them no matter what? Or how about people in any type of relationship who feel frustrated because their loved ones don’t understand how lupus affects them?

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Valentine’s Day. But I want to give people who may have a tough time with the focus on romantic relationships some suggestions to make it through to March 1!

  1. Pamper yourself: I always say to my patients that there are things we should all do, whether or not we have a chronic illness, to pamper ourselves — to increase the amount of positivity and wellness, and to decrease stress. I also say, however, that for people with lupus or any chronic illness, it’s required that you take extra special care of yourself. That could mean taking a long, hot bath; lighting candles and listening to your favorite CD; relaxing in comfortable pajamas while watching an uplifting movie; meditating; or reading. Find whatever it is that makes you feel at peace and do it, especially, if you normally don’t.
  2. Re-connect: Are there people in your life who you have been meaning to call or write or visit, but just haven’t been able to get around to doing it? This holiday doesn’t only have to be about romantic relationships. It can be about meaningful ones, cultivating or rekindling relationships that are important to you. Take a little time out of your day to say hello to that person. Chances are you will make the other person’s day, in addition to your own.
  3. Lend a Hand: Maybe it’s best for you to focus your energy on others in order to distract, a bit, from your worries and troubles. Volunteering to help others could help keep your spirits lifted. I am sure there are places near your home that would love the help of a volunteer — a nursing home, a day care, a school, a soup kitchen, an animal shelter. You have a lot to offer, and I know there are people out there who will appreciate your efforts. Who you help doesn’t have to be a stranger, either. Giving is a great way to spread love, kindness and joy, whether it is for a stranger or a friend.
  4. Look Around: What gives beauty to the world around you — big or small? Taking the time to notice these things not only helps you slow down, but also helps increase your appreciation for your everyday world, which most of us take for granted. Allowing yourself to experience everyday wonders is very similar to keeping a gratitude list, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it had the same positive effects.
  5. Re-awaken Passions: As much as this month is traditionally about romance, it is also about passion. Passion is not limited to romantic relationships. It’s something that can make us come to life. Maybe it is a time to consider what dream you care enough about to pursue. One fun way of doing this is to create a dream board. You can do it by hand using old magazine cutouts and a piece of poster board, but you can also create one online and share it with others. Follow this link to one young girl’s suggestions for how a dream board can help you take the first step in following your dreams.

The most important tip I can give is: Love yourself, first. Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” I agree!


Update: We are no longer accepting comments on our site, but please share your thoughts on our Facebook page.

Ask Jessica!

Disclaimer: This website and its contents are designed for educational purposes only. Jessica Rowshandel, MSW is the S.L.E. Lupus Foundation’s Director of Social Services. She is not a physician. The advice provided is for educational and informational purposes and the Foundation does not recommend or endorse any particular treatment or therapy. The information provided here should not be used for the purposes of diagnosing or treating a medical or psychiatric illness. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional care. Lupus is a very individualized illness; consult a healthcare professional before making any decisions about your care. If you have or suspect you may have a health problem, you should consult your health care provider. Telephone calls, emails, and online content do not constitute counseling services in any way. The S.L.E. Lupus Foundation does not provide any medical or psychological services to its patients and users. For an accurate medical or mental health evaluation, participants should seek an evaluation from a qualified healthcare professional. S.L.E. Lupus Foundation employees, consultants, and agents shall not be liable for any claims or damages, and expressly disclaim all liability of any nature for any action or non-action taken as a result of the information generated by the S.L.E. Lupus Foundation programs and its website, as well as the S.L.E. Lupus Foundation Facebook and Twitter pages.